Tuesday, September 29, 2009

More Puppy Tales

So I have two stories for you about little Kingston.

1. King and the Vet
(This is a gross story. If you have a sensitive stomach you may want to skip to story number two.) Yesterday Mark and I took King to the vet for his 12-week round of shots and checkup. Remember that WE LOVE this vet so much, that we literally drive almost an hour to see him every time we go. And I can't tell you how amazing this doctor it. We walk in and the doctor asks "So how's this little guy doing? Any problems?" And we tell him that no not really, he's been playful and healthy with good poops (this was an issue the last two times we went) but he does seems to be itching a lot, mostly around his back legs.

And the next 2 minutes were so shocking and went so fast it was ridiculous:
Vet- "Does he sometimes sit and then pull himself forward or push himself back?"
Us- "Yes, actually we saw him do that a few times. Is that bad?"
Vet- "Not if you like poop stains on your carpet."
Us- "So what does it mean?" (Me thinking-- Ohmygosh! I didn't see any stains! Ew, what if there are!?)
Vet- "I'm just going to relieve his anal glands if you could just hold him for a second."

Then in one motion (without a warning mind you) he grabs a paper towel and does something to King's butt. King sort of squeals but all of this liquid comes out of his butt and pours onto the table. GAG. Cue me attempting to act like I have it together while trying not to puke on the vet.

Vet- "There we go. Do you smell that?"
Even though I shouldn't have, I took a whiff. GAG. It was somewhere between rotting, poop, and skunk.
Us- "Ugh. What IS that?"
Vet- "Anal gland secretion, most dogs get it out themselves, but it can cause some discomfort and itching if they don't get it out. When he was itching his back legs, he was really just trying to get to his butt."

Mark and I sort of nod with wide eyes and that face you have when you smell something disgusting.

The vet cleans up, weighs him, gives him two shots and a syringe full of something, hands us the advantage and heartworm pill. And we are on our merry way. In and out in about five minutes. We smile and wave goodbye, and hop into Mark's truck and look at each other like "What the heck just happened!?" Anal gland secretion release is very tramautizing. So I just want to warn you in case you see any of the signs.

And as we drove home into the sunset, I was thinking about how I was going to scour the carpet as soon as we got home for anal gland juice. GAG.

2. King and the Bed

Pre-story. I always joke with Mark that he will be sleeping in the doghouse (i.e. the couch.) I threaten this pretty much daily from serious things to joking around. It has never happened.

Mark and I let king sleep in the bed. This may be horrible doggy-parenting, but he is usually really good. He sleeps at our feet, and whines in the morning when he is awake and has to do his business.

Until last night. I wake up at around 5:00 A.M. and feel like I am sweating. First, I panic and think I have the flu. Then I double panic and think I have swine flu. Then I imagine actually telling everyone I have swine flu and everyone laughing at me and refusing to touch me for weeks and weeks.

Then I realize my body doesn't hurt and I don't feel sick. So why am I wet? I get up and turn on the light. And there is pee everywhere. And by everywhere I mean only my side of the bed and I was sleeping right in it. King looked up at me like "What?" I don't know if anal gland secretion release also affected King's peeing abilities but this was ridiculous.

My first thought was GAG.
My second thought was where the heck am I going to sleep.
My third thought was I just cleaned these freaking sheets. (I have been attempting to domesticate myself lately, I anticipate in the near future that this will be my first thought, should this situation ever happen again.)
My fourth thought (which came out loud) was "Mark wake up, if I am sleeping in pee you have to deal with it, too."

Mark mumbles "Awww, come on King." And sort of rolls over.

I took the sheets half off the bed. I absorbed as much pee as I could from the mattress and sprayed the heck out of it with odor/stain remover. I put King in his kennel. I rinsed off my legs. Then I grabbed my pillows, pulled some extra blankets from the closet and headed to the couch. I was not dealing with this right now. It was the middle of the night. (5A.M. is considered the middle of the night for me)

And as I was trying to fall back asleep on the couch, all I could think was "I am literally sleeping in the doghouse, for something the dog did wrong." Five minutes later Mark comes out and asks to join me because it smells like pee in the bedroom. Well at least if I was sleeping in the doghouse, Mark was right there with me.

I could practically hear King's evil snicker from the other room.

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