Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Other Day at the Gym

I go to Lifetime Fitness here in Indianapolis. I've been a member for nearly two years, and I love it! It is sort of expensive, but they have super-nice facilities, including three pools. And you never have to wait for anything. Plus there is a huge selection of free classes.

But the best part about the gym is the range of people who go there. It is GREAT people watching. For example, after one hour at the gym on Saturday, I have the pleasure of sharing with you the four following stories:

1. I usually park in the same area in the parking lot. This way there is never any confusion as to where I parked. I usually park pretty far away because I can pretend it's the start of my work out during my walk in, and let's face it that 90 second walk to the door burns AT LEAST 500 calories, right? Anyways, during the park-and-walk process I saw this one particular SUV circling the area where the spots are steps from the front door. Giving her the benefit of the doubt I figured she was just waiting on someone.

I proceeded inside to a treadmill near the window and the car was STILL circling around. A car front and center pulled out, and BAM! the SUV was in it's place. Then the girl walked inside the gym.

Are you freaking kidding me!? You just spent ten minutes parking so you didn't have to walk INTO THE GYM. There should be laws against this.

2. Every Saturday there is a woman who is in a particular row of bikes in front of the row of treadmills I usually use. And I am pretty sure she is using the gym to either find a husband or have an affair. She must be about 60 and struts around with these spandex shorts and a sports bra. Now, don't get me wrong, she has a great body for 60! But what gets me is her hair, which is blonde, huge and styled perfectly, paired with a face full of make-up.

She must have figured out that the older men typically use the bikes, because this is where she hangs out. She picks a bike next to what she must see as her target, starts going, and strikes up a casual conversation. And before you know it she is laughing and smiling and touching the guy on the arm. When the guy finishes, she bids him adieu, waits until he's left, goes and gets a towel and then picks a different bike next to another man. A couple times I've seen her leave at the same time as the guy she was talking to. I'm secretly hoping it works out for her. She's too darn cute.

3. I'm also pretty sure I saw a drug deal at the gym on Saturday. Now, don't get the wrong idea, Lifetime is a really classy place in a nice part of town. But while I was getting changed in the locker room-post workout, these two women came in. I think it was a mom-daughter duo because the two looked exactly the same, but about 25 years apart. The younger one was complaining that she had been feeling weird lately. And what does the "mom" do? Opens her purse and says "What do you want? I've got Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Adderal, Xanax or Vicodin."

I was so shocked at the latter three that were mentioned that I don't even know if she took something, or if she did-- what it was she picked. But apparently there are some crazy ladies in the world. And at my gym.

4. Okay, so this one doesn't involve other people, it involves me. Before the above episode, I spent a couple minutes in the sauna, followed by a shower. I returned to my locker in the itty-bitty towel they give you that barley wraps all the way around. I locked my locker so all I had available to me was my key, shampoo, conditioner, face wash and body wash. Also my sweaty shoes and socks were out of the locker, because I didn't want to put them in with my clean stuff.

I stuck the key in the locker and could not get the thing open. I tried and tried but couldn't flipping get it! I did a little walk-through in the locker room and didn't see anyone who worked there. And everyone else in the locker room was in a different state of undress-- no one was fully clothed. And I didn't feel comfortable walking up to a half-naked stranger and asking them to help me.

So what did I do? I put on my sweaty shoes and socks, wrapped myself up in an extra towel, walked out of the locker room to the nearest desk and asked a Lifetime girl to come help me. I guess I thought adding the shoes and socks would make me seem more dressed. She ended doing something violent toward the locker, but got it open.

As humiliated as I was, only one little boy saw me... and while he may have been traumatized, I think he is young enough to get over it. Also the girl pointed out a phone in the locker room that I can use to page someone or call the front desk if I need help. Genius.

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1 comment:

  1. 1. Don't judge the parking spot hauk...sometimes is the thrill of the chase. Once you have spend x amount of minutes searching for that primo spot you can't settle for walking...purely due to principle.
    2. This was by far my favorite story. I might suggest that you go and initiate a conversation with this gal and see how she responds to FEMALE interaction...you may find your answer.
    3. The drug deal...I don't have much to stay about this one except, I'll give you my card. If they are willing to do the 2000 mile commute I would be willing to do some therapy sessions pro bono (oh wait, I work for free already).
    4. I am familiar with the "gym towel." So if I understand you right you went into the gym NAKED with two oversized hand-towels tightly wrapped around your big tits...but let’s not forget it's okay because you had your sneakers on so your feet weren't exposed. Fabulous!

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