Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Tale of the Ugly Shirt

For Mark's new job he has to wear dress pants, dress shirt and a tie everyday to work-- which I LOVE because he looks so handsome and grown up. Every night I practically beg him to let me pick out his outfit, and he usually let's me and I love it.

On his first day a couple of weeks ago, when he walked in the door I asked, "Oh! How exciting your first day, how was it?" And he barely got one word of an answer out before I butted in "Okay, but really tell me, were you the best dressed?" I take my job as clothes-picker-outer very seriously, you see. So when he couldn't answer that questions, I said "What do you mean you don't know? What was everyone else wearing?"

And I think all he could recall was the color of one's person's tie. How am I supposed to ensure my fiancé is best dressed when I don't even know what the competition is wearing. He also shot down my idea of taking a picture of all the guys he worked with. Something about how that would be embarrassing and no one even considers what everyone else is wearing anyway.

So, last night Mark informs me that he wants to pick out his own outfit today. Which was disappointing for me, but they are his clothes, so what choice did I have. And this morning I saw it: the shirt.

Mark has this one particular dress shirt that he just loves. I have no idea why he likes it because I think it is the ugliest thing in the world. Sometimes I move it all the way to the back of the closet in hopes that he'll forget about... though clearly he didn't. Because today he insisted on wearing it. He even picked up a tie yesterday so he'd have something to match! Oh the horror!

Now it's an expensive shirt- I'll give him that, but it's this plaid pattern with two contrasting colors and basically by wearing it to work he was flushing all my hard work at making him best dressed down the toilet. But this morning he insisted again that no one really cares what anyone wears and that he reallllly likes the shirt anyways. And I sort of believed him. They are all boys after all. So he wore it.

I texted him about an hour after he went in because I needed his new work email. He answered with AND I  QUOTE:

"Dave [Mark's boss] asked me who's tablecloth I took to make my shirt. But he didn't say anything about how well the tie matches."

(Insert triumphant trumpets and a choir singing my favorite song called I Told You So, When Are You Going To Learn That I Am Always Right!?)

Really, Mark? How strange. I can't imagine why he would insult the ugliest shirt in the world yet neglect to mention the tie.

The texting continued:

Me- "Did you tell him I didn't dress you today? And what I think of that shirt?"

Mark- "No, I think he's just jealous that he doesn't have the coolest shirt."

That must be it.

I'd like to further note that Mark neglected to send me his boss's email address when I asked for it. Something about how it'd be embarrassing to have his fiancée email the boss to explain why she didn't dress him that morning, and assure him that this would never happen again because Mark will be working extra hard to get the best-dressed title back.

And by extra-hard I mean returning the ugly shirt back to its rightful place in the back of the closet.



  1. I think we live the exact same life! When I met my bf we had been out of University for 2 years and he was still wearing clothes that he got in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Needless to say I have worked very hard at cleaning up that image. Unfortunately, his mother did not help the situation when she bought him the ugliest OLD man shirt I've ever seen. Marcus loves it. And I have no recourse when I complain about the shirt and he says "But my mother gave me this shirt...". Best part about it tho, his boss has the exact same shirt and they get a kick out of it when they show up for work as twins. Hopeless.

  2. May I suggest some kind of horrible laundry/dry cleaning "accident" where the shirt is rendered either missing or unwearable.